Artificial Love
by The Hobbit Lass
Summary: Frodo falls in love with a three foot tall Barbie doll, thinking that she's real. Not quite as weird as it sounds. Well, maybe it is. One shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or Barbie. If I owned Barbie, then I would be connected with Mattel, which means I could convince them to make hoverboards (like the ones on Back to the Future!).

I was bored and suddenly wondered what would happen if a hobbit encountered one of those My Size Barbie dolls. I think of the oddest things when I'm bored.

Artificial Love

One bright and sunshiny day, Frodo Baggins of the Shire decided to take his daily walk around Hobbiton. He grabbed his walking stick, stuck some apples and bread into his pockets in case he got hungry, and stepped outside.

He walked down his neat and tidy pathway, went through his clean white gate and suddenly stood frozen in the middle of the road.

She was gorgeous. That light flaxen, wonderfully fluffy hair that reached all the way down past her backside. Those large eyes that seemed to hold hints of several colors. Those perfectly formed and reddened lips. That stately, erect poise. And words couldn't even begin to describe that body.

Frodo gaped at her for a full fifteen minutes. The mysterious young woman continued to stand in the road. In fact, she hadn't moved a muscle the entire time.

Frodo finally struck up the courage to go up to her. Feeling as if he were floating, he slowly approached her. She was approximately five or six inches shorter than Frodo's average hobbit height, and she stared at him fixedly with those gigantic eyes of hers.

"Um, hello," Frodo managed to gasp. She was even more beautiful close up.

The woman did not reply. The hobbit was unbothered by this. "M-my name is Frodo Baggins." He waited for her to tell him her name, but she remained silent. What odd behavior. Frodo suddenly noticed her dress, and saw that it said "Barbie" on a large white tag sticking out from under the skirt. "Barbie," he whispered. A beautiful name.

"So, where are you from? I've never seen you around before."

Barbie remained silent, staring straight ahead as if mesmerized by what was in front of her.

"I guess you're shy. That's okay, I'm usually shy around hobbit lasses. You're the first one I've actually gone up to and talked with on my own." Frodo was completely unbothered by the mysterious young woman's silence. He didn't have to have a conversation, just gazing at her was enough.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He moved closer to her. "You seem almost too good to be true..." He was even closer now, close enough to gaze straight into her eyes. "You know, I've never felt this way before..." He was so close that he could almost reach those lovely red lips.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. "Hullo there, Mr. Frodo! What are you doing here in the middle of the road?" Sam Gamgee appeared, looking his usual cheerful self.

"Oh. Sam," Frodo said flatly. He quickly shuffled in front of the lovely young woman, hoping his friend had not caught a glimpse of her.

Slow as he was, Sam in fact did notice the beautiful stranger. "What's that you've got with you, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo sighed and let Sam get a look at the young lady. "This is Barbie. I just met her this morning." He looked at Barbie. "Barbie, this is my good friend, Sam."

Sam said nothing. He had a very odd look on his face, and it wasn't a look of being love-struck. It was more of a highly disturbed look. "Er, Mr. Frodo?"

"Yes?"

"Haven't you noticed something a little... _odd _about your, um, new friend?"

"Well yes. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, if that's what you mean."

Sam sighed. "Mr. Frodo, that's not what I mean. What I mean is that I think this "Barbie" is completely fake."

Frodo gasped. "She is not! That's her natural hair color! And her eyelashes are unmistakably genuine! And as for- well, _you know_, they are one hundred percent real!"

"No need to throw a fit, Mr. Frodo. And that is _not_ what I meant!"

Frodo looked rather embarrassed. "Well then what did you mean?"

Sam gave Barbie a sharp poke in the face. Absolutely nothing happened. The woman did not react, or even move, for that matter. "See that, Mr. Frodo? She isn't real! She seems to be made out of some sort of strange material!" He punched Barbie in the stomach and pinched her arm as hard as he could.

"N-n-not _real_?" It seemed too terrible to be true. "But she's so beautiful!"

"I understand, Mr. Frodo. But she's only a doll."

"A d-d-doll?" Frodo felt on the verge of tears.

"Cheer up, Mr. Frodo. You can't pine away for a silly doll."

Frodo looked at Barbie and sighed. "Well I guess it makes sense. She does seem too beautiful to be real."

"Exactly, Mr. Frodo! See you later." Sam waved farewell and trotted off down the road. "I sure do worry about that Mr. Frodo sometimes," he muttered to himself.

Shortly after Sam left, a young hobbit girl appeared in the road. She gave a loud gasp, and ran as fast as she could towards Barbie. She grabbed Barbie and hugged her tightly. "I was wondering where my My Size Barbie disappeared to!" She happily dragged the doll away.

Witnessing what had just happened, Frodo finally really believed what was true. "Oh well," he sighed. He pulled an apple out of his pocket and took a bite. And another bite. And another.

Still hungry, he pulled out a second apple. It was soon gone in a matter of seconds. "I need to go get some more apples!" Frodo cried. And so he completely forgot all about Barbie. Hobbits have the special ability to replace sad emotions with hunger.

He picked up his walking stick and strolled down the road.

The end.

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I hope this story wasn't too bizarre, as many of my stories have a tendency to be. Well, what are you waiting for? Review already! (Please) 


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